May 20, 2017

Confession

I am a very patient person. But, when you reach the point of abusing it, then I will step back. I will fight for my rights, yes, I will fight you for what I DESERVE. For me, this is teaching you how to compromise, to respect, to be humble and just...to me. I stand up for my principles. I REALLY HATE it when people force you to do something that they want you to do or something that they want to happen. There are people that try to meddle because they think they are helping but the truth is IT'S NOT HELPING THE SITUATION AT ALL!

I am very grateful for the people that extended and those that are extending  honest service and real care for me here in America. THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO BE A PART OF THE IMPORTANT AND SPECIAL EVENTS IN THE LIFE OF MY PRECIOUS CHILDREN. THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT RESPECT ME. THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT STRENGTHEN ME AS A MOTHER AND AS AN INDIVIDUAL. Thus for me, THEY LOVE MY CHILDREN AND MY FAMILY. Of course nobody is perfect but THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT EXERT EFFORT FOR ME TO LET ME KNOW THAT THEY LOVE ME BECAUSE THEY TRY TO MAKE UP AND COMPROMISE. THEY TALK TO YOU WITH RESPECT, KINDNESS AND HONESTY. 

For a long time, I battled depression. I do not talk about this in public because I'm so afraid. But, I realized that it is okay to talk about it. I believe that I have the freedom and rights to express myself. I suffered emotionally and mentally starting the beginning of my marriage which slowly led to my physical health declining adding was the challenges of pregnancy and giving birth. My depression started when I'm having problems with my in-laws. It was hell for me living at my in-laws basement for 4 months. One incident that was very hurtful for me was when my mother-in-law told me that I can not be in her house if I discipline her kids (which I never was) The persecutions, judgments, conspiracies and unkindness did not stop when we left that basement. Despite the many accusations I got from this family and no fellow-shipping, I tried my best many times to visit them/see them. I have to exert so much effort to do this. Why? I have to face each one of them, deal with each one of them...kindly. I have to face people like their friends and relatives with courage despite their questionable facial expressions and or negative reactions toward me. They were somehow influenced by my in-laws for the things that they have said specifically my mother-in-law. Do you imagine how hard this is for me? I am alone. I do not have any family here. I do not know people here. The people that Starla introduced to me, all of a sudden avoided me...when I tried to go to them for help. Why? Because of what she told them. My mother-in-law and Kevron's sisters bombarded him with emails accusing me of many things and saying I am too sensitive. One even called me B-i-t-c-h. I will never forget one of the things that Starla said that stood up to me was..."if the in-laws will not try to be a part of their family then they should be excluded". NEVER DID THIS FAMILY STRENGTHEN MY AND KEV'S MARRIAGE AND MY PREGNANCIES. NOBODY from them admitted anything but accused me of too sensitive. When my mother in-law said that they can be mean sometimes but I am being too sensitive. I believe that she is downplaying here. I realized that I do not need to please these people specially that I feel ignored by them. You know what I mean? 

And so over the years, it is just the same. I ended up deactivating my Facebook account maybe just a couple months ago because of the unkindness, attacks and cunning plans of them specifically my mother-in-law and her daughters. And so to be honest, I do not have any desire to travel miles and miles away to go to Utah. It is a big sacrifice in my part being a mother of 3 kids. I will try to avoid the things that's causing me too much stress  and anxiety. It's not healthy.  I have enough. I have many things that are important that I should focus on and spend time with people that bring out the best in me... people that respect me. Kevron and I have many things to attend to raising our kids. We are to support and care for each other. And yes, for the rest of my life I have to take medications for depression. 

My kids are the reasons why I am still alive. The Lord has preserved me for them. My parents are a big surprised blessing of the Lord. He has granted me the things that I asked Him. And I do this when I feel that I am worthy to ask Him. The Lord has preserved and blessed my and Kev's marriage. We are still together because the Lord knows that I have a pure intention of marrying Kevron and build a family of my own.

-Irene












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